Aditi's Amma Sews

Hey People!

I have been following this blog for quite some time now - http://www.adithisammasews.com/  and I thought I would blog about it today. Well, this blogger is passionate about sewing and her blog has a host of tutorials that would help you learn sewing from the scratch. The posts include instructions to cut and sew a wide variety of garments ranging from baby frock to Salwar kammez, saree blouses and more. Do check out her creativity and wonders that she creates with clothes. 

Bored, Lost and Lonely.... :(

That’s how I’m feeling from a couple of days. All bored, lost and lonely. I find myself caught in a mechanical, motorized flurry of work- life, trying to make out some kind of sense and meaning in my monotonous work.

Well, it’s not just work that’s monotonous, my day-to-day life itself has become a kind of repetition, a loop in which I’m trapped- work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep... That’s all I do every single day, except if you count my travelling from home to work and back home as something adventurous- well, if you have travelled by bus you may say it is, but I’d rather say it’s torturous....

I feel I’ve lost myself in this pandemonium, I don’t find myself laughing any more at silly little stuff, I don’t find myself playing pranks or cracking jokes like I used to; instead, I find myself musing, thinking and thinking about how bland my life’s become and how insipid I have become.. You may say it’s a part of maturity process, but I say it’s not maturity; it’s more of losing myself and my joys... And I’m not liking this, not at all, not even a bit...

At work, it’s just me. No team, no one to share, no one to bother. Oh well, I see all my colleagues sharing the work, discussing what needs to be done next and have a team celebrating birthdays and occasions, attending training workshops in droves, and I’m just there to organize and ensure that everything goes smoothly- I feel I’m just a wall, un-noticed, unrecognized, overlooked piece of moving entity. I feel so jealous of those people working in teams...

At home- well, I reach home pretty late after work; say around 8.00 P.M is my average time when I’m home. And I leave early, 7.30 AM every day. So the time that I spend at home with my family, is the time I get to eat and sleep... not enough time to talk to my family members, not enough time to listen to their day’s work... sometimes, I don’t even know when a festival or a function or even a day trip is coming up at my home till my mom wakes me up and says- ‘we’re going out today’. Where and when, I should figure out like Sherlock Holmes did...

I feel so cut-off, so isolated and so lonely from the rest of the world... I seem to be on an island in an elevated platform- watching everybody enjoy life, enjoy work, enjoy themselves- but from a distance, a distance from which nobody can know or realize that I’m here, very much here... I want to yell out loud, say that I still EXIST on the earth, that I’m a substantial being, that I’m not imaginary or illusionary, I’m very much here craving for company and longing for a bit of care.... but why should I bother to yell and exhaust myself, when I’m on an island in a distance..

I want this to end. I don’t want to get stuck to these emotions. I want my old, lively, cheerful and care-free self back. Well, let’s hope that this just a mood-swing; a temporary, small and a diminutive thing and in a couple of days, my endorphin levels would rise again...

And in the mean time, if you people do read this, make sure to tell me, call me or mail me or IM me saying ‘I’m there for you’... don’t copy paste it or Don’t do this just for the heck of it, or just because you feel a surge of sympathy... Do it because you know that deep down in your heart, you would always be there for me, and would not mind if I tell you to come right away to where I am... well, how many do I think would tell me this?? Oh forget it. Don’t bother...

Memories..... Sweet old memories.... Frozen Memories....

Well, my Mom was just searching for something a couple of days ago, and that's when my sister noticed all those old photo albums. We both sat together to just browse through those old, almost worn-out and woebegone albums- they're pretty old you know, photographs taken right from the day I was 6 months old..... So we started browsing through them- well, we SAID we'll just BROWSE, but once we opened those albums one by one, we DAWDLED on EACH and every picture....

There I was, sticking out my hands and legs at obtuse angles (a bit embarrassing when I think about it now :P), eating clumsily with my own hands when I was about a year old, being fed and cradled by mom (wish that could happen again...), piggy-backing on my dad, giving I-have-got-ATTITUDE kind of look for an I-don't- remember reason (mom loves to point out that I have had ‘Attitude’ right from childhood, so that was kind of proof for what she said, see?... :P),  lots of dance positions (they look really funny now), donning my brand new and crisp school uniform with teensy-weensy double braids tied-up with ribbons, looking as pretty as a doll (I WAS and AM pretty, so better not roll your eyes, OK?) , holding fruits and flowers, etc, etc, etc.............

Then, there’s my sister sitting on my mom’s lap and me looking at her with envy when I was about 6 years old, my sister playing with the phone, my sister crying when I try to hold her straight for the photo-shoot, an outburst of love between sisters.. and lots of other pics- funny, silly, angry, sorry.....


There's my cousin-- sweet little undressed cousin except for socks, just about 4 or 5 months old when I was 10 years old.. so do you think I can call him up now and tell him (BLACKMAIL more like) that I have a very good photo of his and I am gonna post it online and ask him for money...some quick bucks.. will it work?? well, should try >;P

Then my good old school pics.. right from first standard to my graduation days... With teachers and friends and ethnic day pics (from PG days, photos became digital and computerized :P ).....

Then photos of my stage performances in elocution, debates, dances, singing and loads of other stuff.... my sister’s stage performances too... receiving awards and rewards... well, every picture bringing back old memories, fond memories and some bad memories.. of what my life was like, of what I was like... well, I would be blogging about my life and changes that happened pretty soon...

All those bittersweet memories... making me wish... wish I could go back.. Wish I could re-live that life, re-discovering little joys like getting a new pencil, getting a new book... Ah! I wish I could, I wish I could.... go back and enjoy that life again, of being cuddled, pampered, of being carried around and fed and led... wish I could go back to school, write homework (I SWEAR I’ll complete my Homework :P), cry over a lost pencil case and a broken toy.. laugh at a funny sound, laugh at a silly and stupid joke which grown-ups would never even consider to be heard, let alone laugh.. (Well, I still laugh about silly jokes and crack PJ’s, so you would actually not consider me to be a grown-up, but well there you are...)

Whatever, but I wish I could re-live that life.... Hmm well, that’s about it.. that’s about it for now at least.. I think I would post a pic of mine you know, a cute little pic when I was little... yes I’ll post it.. may be tomorrow or day after... 

My First Lexis....

Ha! I’ve finally started Blogging!!! Something I've been wanting to do from quite some time...

When all my friends caught up with the ‘Blogging Frenzy’ during 2003-04 and used to discuss about blogging with utmost fanaticism, I still remember being totally indifferent (maybe even arrogant??!!) to this phenomenon. I used to wonder WHAT a blog is, what is so enthralling about it and WHY people are so hyper about it...

I remember reading articles about Blogs being a person’s memoir- a journal to write his/her thoughts, emotions and share it with the whole world. Personally, I’ve never maintained a diary, nor felt the need for it; so, why maintain an ONLINE diary?? Something into which you’ll have to TYPE-IN (that’s painstaking!!) regularly? And diaries are something personal, right? We don’t like people reading our personal diary, so if blogs ARE online diaries, how can people share it with the ENTIRE world and that too comfortably?? Ironic, eh? These were the thoughts on my mind during those years when the entire planet used to blog.

So how come I’m blogging now?? Let me try and answer that honestly:

1. Want to try something new, a break from the routine is always good

2. Nurture a new hobby- something that I’ve not done for many days

3. This is THE most honest response—I don’t know why NOW I’m getting started, but it’s like a ‘bolt out of the blue’; and I didn’t do it at a time when my friends did it, because I do something when I feel like it... (Is that good or bad???)

I’m not an exceptional writer, but I enjoyed writing this first blog :-). And if you people like my post, please tell me so and I’ll continue writing; if you people don’t like my post, tell me and I’ll still continue writing :P..

I still don’t feel I’ll maintain a diary at any rate, but I’ll certainly maintain my blog :-)